The Opening Lines post was about great opening lines in novels.
Here’s a post about not-so-great ones.
The winners of the 2013 Lyttle Lytton Contest are now live. For those who don’t know the contest, here’s what it’s all about (copied from the official contest rules):
“Your task is to write the beginning of an imaginary novel. Your goal is to make it hilariously bad.”
What fun!
Here are some of my favorites from this year’s winners.
My dear wife jolted awake, rolled over, and looked at me. “I just lucid dreamed that I killed you,” she said sadly.
–Ian Waddell
Charging, sprinting, loping with great speed, the cheetah lunged at Theodore Roosevelt, but he already had that cheetah dead to rights.
–Alex Richardson
Jacques entered out of the rain, drenched from that selfsame precipitate.
–Alice Wilders
And my personal favorite, posted here with commentary from the contest judge (the commentary makes it 10 times funnier)..
Madison was a shy, awkward, inwardly beautiful teenaged girl just like you.
–Brandon Specktor
Judge’s comments on that one:
Go to your local Barnes & Noble (if you can still find one). There will be a wall solidly packed with shelves. Those shelves will be filled with books. Chapter One of every one of those books will be attempting to establish the above. So, hey, why not just cut right to it and save space?
